Confidence Pep Talk

Want to know what my top strategy is to avoid the uncomfortable and vulnerable emotions that come along with anxiety and imposter syndrome? 

Procrastination and avoidance.

Hey, I didn't tell you it was a healthy one or that I always practice what I preach. After all, the only way I could write a book about confidence is because I am VERY FAMILIAR with what doubt feels like. I am also very familiar with the consequences of my procrastination when I feel doubt. I lose out on projects, endorsements and other people don't hear my ideas. In corporate, my initiatives stalled. 

I'm working on some big asks for my next book project and I'm having to give myself some major confidence pep talks lately. I feel overwhelmed, anxious and nervous about the asks I need to make to some CEOs for book insights.

My mind is going crazy with all the critique like: 

     “people don't want to hear from you!”

     “people will think this idea is silly”

     “people will think I'm a bother"

It's no wonder that I'm struggling with the creativity to write the actual book…I'm in my head instead of out in the world gathering information and ideas!

I know I'm not the only person who struggles with this. My clients bring me all of their overwhelming emotions and their internal self talk, too, when they have to make bigs asks or projects at work.

When you're feeling anxious, research shows that three human biases frequently contribute to feelings of anxiety–all or nothing thinking, negativity bias and catastrophizing. These biases distort your perception of reality, causing you to overlook reality in favor of a story you are telling yourself about reality.

All or nothing thinking. When we engage in this type of black and white thinking, the variety of choices or outcomes appear to be limited. If this happens, only that can result. I can only choose one path forward. This will be a success or a failure.  

Negativity bias. When we are in negativity bias, our brains scan for adverse outcomes. We focus on what can go wrong more than what can go right. We reflect on criticism more than compliments and we dwell on all the bad things that could happen instead of the good.  

Catastrophizing. This is the habit of exaggerating the potential negative consequences of a situation. The worst possible outcome is naturally assumed.  

While common, none of these habits feel good and so we spend a lot of time trying to eliminate them, control them and avoid feeling them. However, the attempt to control and avoid anxiety actually makes it worse. Not only do we never become comfortable with the discomfort that comes with growth, our lives continue to shrink as we eliminate options.  Watch or read my tips below to get into action anyhow!

PUT THIS IDEA INTO ACTION

All this ruminating and procrastinating has set my book project back almost three weeks behind where it could have been. Had I just faced my discomfort and reached out sooner, I'd have more material to work with. 

Three things have been really helpful to get me into action this week:

1: Name what's going on (just like I did here with you). 

Just the practice of putting a name on your experiences and emotions helps reduce their control. (Yes, you've heard this tip from me ad nauseam because it works.)

2: Consider the opposite of your self talk. 

What if it's just as true that people DO want to hear from you? 

List some evidence where that has been true, people were excited to hear from you.

Spoiler alert: Two CEOs I was so nervous to email replied that they were happy to hear from me and give me some book insights! Has this type of response happened from one of your big asks?

3: Ask for support. Last week, I reached out to a group of entrepreneur friends and told them what I was working on and how bad I was procrastinating out of fear. Not only did they help me craft a better outreach email, but they checked in on me and cheered me on. They shared their own stories of taking action while they were feeling doubt and anxiety!

TRY THIS NEXT: What pep talk can you give yourself today to help you get into action on a thing you've been procrastinating?