Why being “easygoing” can backfire

"Have you considered that your desire to remain cool, calm and collected is actually causing others to perceive that you don't need or want help?" 

One of my coaching clients, we'll call him, Matt (yes, in special circumstances I coach men, too), was frustrated because he felt his leaders were not offering the support he needed to be successful in his role. And he was frustrated. He'd been working at this organization for years, keeping his head down, always delivering projects as requested without complaint. 

He believed that if he worked hard enough, and could be seen as a good person and a reliable worker who takes everything in stride, he would rise to the senior ranks he longed to be in. 

But ultimately, he found himself disappointed as he watched others pass him by. He was hesitant to advocate for himself and the ideas he had for his department, worried others would perceive him as difficult or not a team player.

In all of Matt's skill of being the kind, easy-going, cool-as-a-cucumber co-worker, people assumed he didn't need help. They assumed he was happy in his role. They assumed he was well-supported. 

This is why being too good at blending in or being “easy to work with” can actually backfire as you desire to advance to more senior ranks. As you conform to what you believe others want from you, you cancel out your unique ideas, your need for support and even the perception you desire to advance. 

Being too good at being easy to work with can keep you stuck in an advancement trap. In my own experience, my fear of being called too direct kept me over-rotating on politeness—fearful that advocating for what I needed directly would turn people off. However, it kept my ideas from ever being heard, initiatives being advanced or career desires being realized.

Are too good at being easy to work with? How could this be hindering your career satisfaction and potential?

PUT THIS IDEA INTO ACTION

A key learning for me in my work with my own coach taught me that yes, my directness is a gift and all my development to be more “palatable” or nice (instead of being too direct) has its place, too. All that hard interpersonal work isn't lost. Everything belongs.

For my client, whose desire was to be perceived as “easygoing," he was fearful he'd come across too assertive. However, we also agreed that there is a time and a place for appropriate assertiveness, and a time and place when being “easygoing” was not an effective approach in the long term.

This is where situational savvy comes in. Situational savvy doesn't mean that you abandon the unique quirks that make you - you. It means that you are confident and flexible in your skills, approach and tone that you use all of your emotional and interpersonal intelligence drive positive outcomes and build relationships. It's about knowing the RIGHT approach at the RIGHT time.

Make Your Own Situational Savvy Matrix

1. Try plotting the trait you want to avoid on the left side the graph below (see my own example-directness!).

• What unique situations call for it?

2. Next, try plotting the trait you've been working hard to be good at on the bottom (see mine-the need to be “palatable”).

• What situations call for it?

3. How can the two be blended?

4. How can you show up and offer your unique style to make a positive impact in a specific situation?

TRY THIS NEXT: Be Situationally Savvy. What's ONE opportunity in the next week to be savvy and use the right approach in the right moment?