One of my clients came to her recent coaching session feeling stressed and anxious about how to properly onboard her newly hired team member. This new employee was an expert in the work she would perform. She wanted to give her leeway and freedom, but not too much leeway where a detrimental mistake could be made. I could tell via a departure from her normal body language in how much pressure she was putting on herself to be perfect and get the onboarding plan just right.  

Let's pause. As a leader, if your employee came to you with this “how do I…?” situation, would you:

1: Reassure her that she's doing a great job and she will be fine!

2: Ask her what ideas she has to implement her strategy for success

3: Give her advice on how to implement this onboarding strategy and what's worked for you

4: Let her know that you are getting a sense that she believes there is a perfect way to to do this and ask why she is feeling the pressure to do this perfectly?

When I present this real-life scenario to groups of leaders, the majority of them pick option 2. While option 2 is a viable coaching strategy and people choose it to reframe the energy into action, it can lead you down a path of solving the wrong problem. 

Here's why: Jumping in too quickly to action-stepping would have overlooked the key issue: This client was actually struggling with trusting herself because her last new hire was terminated due to improper use of company property. 

How did I learn this? Because I asked her question number 4 and allowed her to get out her concerns. After we got to the bottom of her worries, then we covered question number 2. 

Question 4 helps us hold space for a bit longer to understand WHY she is so worried about perfect onboarding. When I let her know what I was sensing and asked about the need for perfection, she admitted that she was struggling to trust herself after feeling betrayed by a former employee who broke the rules and she didn't want it to happen again due to lack of the right amount of oversight.

NOW we can get underlying fears out of the way and are solving the right problem as a leader. It helps leaders come to the conversation not with the burden of being an expert, but leading more as a coach. In the above scenario, the right problem was a matter of coaching self-trust, not action steps for onboarding (while important, those come later).

Here's the bottom line to improve your coaching skills as a leader: 

Take the time to ensure you are solving the right problem. It's typically not what your employee presents as the problem, it's a few layers beneath it.

🔥 Most coaching is ineffective because leaders don't take the time to ask and identify the root of the problem. Simply, they are spending time solving the wrong problem. Keep reading for three simple shifts you can make to improve your leadership coaching skills!

PUT THIS IDEA INTO ACTION

If you want to maximize your ability to foster the most growth and success from your team, learning to be a great coach might look a bit different than you might have been taught. 

For me, I always thought that being a great coach meant you gave the best advice, but I was wrong. The first thing they teach in coaching school and certification is this: Coaches don't give advice. Instead, they hold the belief that the coachee is capable of solving their problems and is the best person to do so. It helps them take ownership and builds creativity and resilience. 

THREE SHIFTS TO IMPROVE YOUR COACHING SKILLS AS A LEADER:

SHIFT 1: Transform from hearing to intuitive listening. 

Intuitive listening is hearing a person fully beyond their words at face value. It is that little jolt, nudge or zinger you feel inside when you sense something is off, not lining up or maybe information is being withheld. I trusted this feeling inside when I sensed my client above was worried about something far more than her onboarding process. 

You can ask questions like: 

1. “I'm sensing that you're striving for some perfection here, but tell me if I'm wrong…”

2. "I have a hunch there might be a deeper worry here, but tell me otherwise?"

3. “How long has this been a concern for you? Why is that?"

SHIFT 2: Move from problem solving to problem identifying. 

As I mentioned above, so much “coaching” is fruitless because leaders are too quick with advice or getting into action that we solve the wrong problem. Here are questions to help you get to the root of the issue so you solve the right problem. 

You can ask questions like:

1. “Why would it be so bad if XYZ happened?” (Points you towards the worry or belief holding them back)

2. “If you could make XYZ happen, what are you hoping that helps you avoid?” 

SHIFT 3: Shift from telling to asking. 

Once the problem has been identified, it can be so tempting to unleash all of the brilliant advice that you've been holding back ;) However, great coaches know that asking the client/coachee how THEY'D solve the problem leads to better creativity, results and ownership.

You can ask questions like:

1. What’s been your current approach to solving this?

2. What else could you try?

3. What strategies do others use to solve this problem? Do one of them seem like something you'd try?

4. What worked when solving another recent challenge?

5. How could this be happening FOR you?

TRY THIS NEXT:  In your next coaching conversation, ask one more question that you normally would before jumping into action. How can you be sure you're coaching to - and solving - the right problem? 

PS: These strategies also work well on the young people in your life :)