Were you on mute?

“You're on mute.”

If that wasn't the catchphrase of 2020, I don't know what was?! Given that we were all on video calls, wasn't it super frustrating to say something wise, only to figure out that no one could hear you?! Now all these years later, I always giggle a little bit today when I still forget to unmute myself or have to remind a fellow participant.

Now that we are spending less time on video calls and spending more time in person, “are you on mute” has become a helpful self-coaching question. What do I mean by this? See how many of these things apply to you:

• How many times do you have an idea or suggestion, but you stay silent because you're nervous how people will react?

• Do you need to set a boundary or expectation, but stay silent because you don't want the conflict?

• Do you want to start leading differently and use your voice as a leader, but stay silent because you don't want to be perceived as too direct, bossy or emotional?

• Are you overwhelmed by demands at work, but stay silent because you don't want to be a complainer?

If you're nodding your head to some of these, you're on mute. It's time to think about how staying on mute is costing you in your peace, potential and your paycheck.

When the stakes feel high or the conversation feels challenging, it’s easy to hold back and ruminate on what to say, how to say it or if you should even speak up at all? 

Sometimes, the moment can pass you by and you wonder if you’ve missed your chance to make impact. Or, maybe you wonder if you’ve said too much?! If you're like me, you think of all the things you wished you would have asked or said three hours after the fact.

🔥 In our pursuit of perfection in speaking up and saying the right thing, we miss our chance at connection. There is no one “right” way to speak up. Check out my advocacy model below to give you framework to show up and speak up in a way that feels authentic to you.

PUT THIS IDEA INTO ACTION

Here’s my advocacy model framework to help you craft your message in the moments that matter. Owning the unique perspective that only you can bring will also help you pull your leaders off a pedestal, bringing you to the table as an equal.

Try this to help you make stronger impact in the rooms where decisions are made, to give feedback to a colleague, to make an ask or even simply share an idea.

Authenticity: The key to making the impact you want to make in the decision-making rooms is to own what's unique about you so you can show up as yourself. Copying is exhausting! Begin by asking yourself:

1. What unique perspective can only YOU bring to this conversation?

2. What unique skills and talents do you offer here?

3. What do you know for sure about the facts or situation?

Alignment: This is the “how” of speaking up so you can be intentional about showing up in a way that aligns to your values.  Ask yourself:

1. What do you value here? (i.e. honesty, kindness, creativity, etc)

2. How do you want to make the other person feel? (List 3 adjectives).

Action: Based on what you know about you and what you value, it's time to get into action. Ask yourself:

1. What is mine to say? Or not say?

2. What questions must I ask?

3. Who or what else am I advocating for here and what must be shared?

💜 At the end of the day, remember that connection always beats perfection when it comes to others hearing your message.

Kelli Thompson is an award-winning author, keynote speaker, and executive coach who specializes in helping high achievers advance to influential leaders in their organizations. She is the author of the critically acclaimed book, Closing The Confidence Gap: Boost Your Peace, Your Potential & Your Paycheck.

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