A different approach to work/life balance

Last week I was conducting a team training with a focus on the Enneagram (a personality assessment I use in coaching). In an aha moment, one of the participants said that based on his personality type, he tends to tell everyone yes because he wants to look good and successful in the eyes of others. Then, crushed by workload demands, he was overworked and overwhelmed - near the point of exhaustion and dropping the wrong balls. 

The rest of the group nodded. No matter what your personality type, one of the things I've learned personally, and from many of my clients, is that early in our career, we are encouraged to “say yes to all the opportunities and figure out the 'how' later.” In our 20s, this can be a useful career strategy to figure out what you love to do and where your talents emerge. 

However, something changes as we hit the next phase of our careers, especially when our priorities shift to family or caregiving. A new question emerges: How do you manage the drive to succeed at work with the peace you want for yourself?

Sometimes we say yes to everything and then try to find balance instead of finding balance by not saying yes to everything. 

Saying no is my favorite way to practice self-care. It's a great way to reclaim your peace when you find yourself in a place where you are keeping everyone else's peace but your own. Giving smarter noes is also a great strategy to advance your career more strategically and intentionally as you advance through the ranks.

So, where you begin to say no? Start in places where you feel resentment or anger. That is often a clue that you are doing an activity or with a group that isn't aligned to your talents and values.  Keep reading for a list of questions to help you with this!

It is hard to be an impactful, confident leader if you are overworked and overwhelmed. Where can giving a small no actually help you have bigger impact in the right places?  

PUT THIS IDEA INTO ACTION

As we rise throughout the ranks, we are continually presented with opportunities to do more. I get it! There are opportunities and income that come with saying yes. It can be easy to go along with the demands and the opinions to keep the peace and other people happy. But whose peace and happiness are you keeping? And does that extra money, new title, or new responsibilities even feel good or is brewing up future resentment?

When a new client comes to me, overworked and overwhelmed, it's common for them to be unclear on what they want. However, what seems to always be clear is this: They know for sure what they don't want. So we start there.

How do you know what to say no to? Ask yourself these alignment questions to be more clear on what you don't want:

1. What is draining my energy most right now?

2. What feels out of alignment with my best talents or skills?

3. What most feels like it is moving me further away from the type of leader, partner, employee (etc) I want to become?

4. Where do I feel most resentful right now or out of alignment with my values?

One of my favorite quotes about quitting what doesn't serve you came during an interview I held with Arianna Huffington. She says, “You can complete something by dropping it.”

While it can feel difficult and nerve-wracking to tell someone no, every time my clients (me, too) say no because something doesn't align, they report the same feelings:

️ Empowerment. Intentionality. Ownership. Confidence.

TRY THIS NEXT: Use these phrases the next time you feel the twinge of resentment to help you say no:

…thanks for thinking of me, I've already made other commitments (even if that commitment is to your couch and some snacks)

…This is no longer a fit for me

…I'd like to delegate this to someone new

…Thanks for considering me, I am going to pursue a different opportunity.