Are you too loyal to get promoted?

Just a generation before us, long-term career loyalty wasn't just rewarded, it was expected. It was normal to be hired into a role in your twenties and work at an organization for your entire career. We've made that loyalty to mean that we are dedicated, hardworking and reliable. It meant that we were just the type of person the organization would want to keep and promoted. 

Except, times have changed. While there are people who spend their entire careers at a single organization, that is more the exception now than the rule. 

What hasn't changed is the story that we tell ourselves about loyalty to an organization, a team, or even a single boss! I've talked to many leaders who have been at organizations five, 10 or even 15 years and feel stuck. They're asking the question, if I've been so loyal to this organization over the years, why am I not getting promoted? Why do I feel stuck? 

Conversely, I've had leaders tell me that they'd like to advance to their next role, but their loyalty keeps them stuck. I hear sentiments such as,

“I just don't want to leave my team, we've built such a great thing.”

“I can't leave my team, I'm their third manager in two years.”

“I can't leave, this company/boss has been so good to me through all my ____ (sickness/maternity leave/family issues, etc) __”

My question back to these leaders is always this: I commend your loyalty to your organization/boss/team, but at what point are you over-rotating on being loyal to others and overlooking the importance of loyalty to yourself? Your goals? Your future?

This is not to say that commitments aren't important. They are. It's likely that you are such a dedicated and well-liked leader due to the nature of your commitments. However, how do you discern when your commitments are no longer serving you or your leadership career? 

It's easy to fall into Commitment Bias: This bias refers to our tendency to justify our previous commitments, even when they are no longer serving us. For example, we might stay in a job or relationship for too long because we've already invested time and effort, rather than evaluating if it's truly the right path for us (and them!). It feels easy and safe because it's what we know.

🔥 You might be thinking, “well I'm just not a disloyal person.” To this, I'm asking you to consider, what if the opposite of loyalty isn't dis-loyalty or being a “traitor?” What if the opposite of loyalty is objectivity - The ability to discern if something is still mutually beneficial for everyone involved? As leaders (and as parents and partners), we have to continue to evaluate if our commitments are serving the highest good. (If you've been around here long enough, you know there's a 4-box coming below :) )

PUT THIS IDEA INTO ACTION

When I look at the graphic above, I can think of people I'd put into these boxes. I can see circumstances where I've been in each of the four boxes. When I was creating this work, I was thinking about how a highly loyal / low objectivity mindset is creating polarity in our current political system (compared to 15 years ago). When I reflected on the high objectivity / low loyalty box, I think about some of the wide layoff decisions organizations make to put profit over people. 

So, what do you do with this information? Consider a situation where you are wanting to make a change, but feel that some may question your loyalty. Or, where you took action in spite of the health of relationships that are important to you.

1: Name where you are.

Just the practice of putting a name on exactly where you are at with an issue can help normalize by providing clarity. 

• This might sound like, “I recognize I may be over-rotating on loyalty to my boss because they've been so good to me through the years, even though I keep getting nudges it's time to move on.”

• This might sound like, “I see how my team was so upset when I put achieving this result over the harmony of our teamwork.”

2: Explore the opposite ends.

If you find yourself on the “high loyalty/low objectivity” pole, challenge yourself to find some data that contradicts your feelings. Consider if your commitments are lasting far beyond their expiration date. You can do this by:

1. Researching counterpoints to your assumptions.

2. Talking with people who see things differently than you or are willing to challenge your view points with objective data.

3. Talk with a coach or therapist about the difficult feelings and stories that arise when you think about changing your loyal relationships.

If you find yourself on the “low loyalty/high objectivity” pole, challenge yourself to consider: 

1. Is this just looking good on paper or is it truly aligned with my values and who I am working to become?

2. Am I avoiding the emotional messiness that comes with building strong relationships and good bonds with people in favor of data or results?

3. How am I investing in my relationships and not just outcomes?

3: Ask for feedback. 

How do your colleagues perceive you? Does it align with where you see yourself on an issue of loyalty or objectivity? How can you ask for the feedback you need to be an emotionally intelligent leader that can balance both loyalty and objectivity to get the outcomes that move you, AND OTHERS, forward in the right direction?

TRY THIS NEXT: Ask yourself, do you have any commitments that have outlasted their usefulness, for both you and other person or organization?