The identity crisis no one talks about after a promotion

One of my clients is an executive director, overseeing a team of five managers. When we started working together, one of the critiques she frequently received throughout her career was that she was too in the weeds, jumping in to solve everyone’s problems. Her leaders told her that she was too mired in the details to be able to see the strategic path forward necessary for continued advancement. 

She admitted to me, “I can’t help it! I see people struggling and I’m right there ready to dig in, fix the mess and save the day. It feels so good to be needed and prove my chops. I don’t know how to stop doing this, but it’s critical that I start changing how people perceive me.”  

All too often we promote people into leadership and just assume a magic transformation happens overnight – that they’ll shed the identity they had as a high achiever and transform into a leader who is comfortable coaching, delegating, and making hard decisions. I've seen hundreds of leaders struggle with this identity shift even at a vice president level.

The resistance to letting go of being the expert and having all the answers is not surprising when much of our identity is wrapped up in our work. Why? In the first half of our life, we are rewarded for our individual contributions in school, sports, clubs or early career. Our ego loves to build its empire on that identity. However when we are constantly jumping in to save the day, take over or rescue our teams from discomfort, we prevent them from the growth and learning that happens when they own their work. 

🔥  When tensions are high or crisis situations escalate, who doesn’t love a good, heroic leader who jumps in, saves the day, and gets things done? But as we’ve unraveled, this type of leadership for all situations, though well-intentioned, keeps you and your team from growth.

PUT THIS IDEA INTO ACTION

Using the same tools I use with my clients, try this to help you move closer to the leader you want to become, by focusing on noticing, valuing and intentional action.

1: First, notice your default mode, especially your behavior when things get stressful. Review the visual coach vs hero graphic (from above), which side do you typically default to? 

• Is this the type of leadership that you want to demonstrate?

2: Next, clarify what you stand for as a leader. What do you value in your approach? Consider the following:

1. Who do you admire as a leader? What are three adjectives you’d use to describe them?

2. If you overheard people talking about you, what are three words you’d hope they’d use to describe you as a leader?

For my client, as she reflected upon and revealed her answers, there were some common themes: Collaboration, Respect, Creativity, Connection.

3: Fueled with this information about your tendencies and what you stand for as a leader, now you can be more intentional about your response. 

• Before jumping in, pause one moment longer and ask yourself, will this action move me closer to the leader I want to become?

• Will it foster the values I identified above?

• Using her values from above, you could ask yourself, how could I lead collaboratively, respectfully, creativity or with connection in this situation?

By aligning her actions more closely with who she wanted to become, my client admitted that it helped her pause before responding with expertise or answers. She learned to ask better questions of her team and colleagues before dishing out solutions. More importantly, she told me that she has a smaller workload because she’s not taking on work that isn’t hers to own and she feels a heightened sense of trust from her team as they own their work. She has more time to work on future strategic plans for her business unit.

Try This Next: Name where you are at today, simply identifying and naming where you are is a huge progress point toward moving towards the leader you want to become.

Kelli Thompson is an award-winning author, keynote speaker, and executive coach who specializes in helping high achievers advance to influential leaders in their organizations. She is the author of the critically acclaimed book, Closing The Confidence Gap: Boost Your Peace, Your Potential & Your Paycheck.

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