Who do you message in your WTF moments?
If you were looking for me in your inbox last Tuesday and couldn't find me, you were not imagining things:) I took a rare week off of this newsletter because I was facilitating my REVIVE women's leadership retreat!
Last week, a small group of women said yes to themselves and made the trip to Omaha. It is not a small feat to step away from everyone who counts on you and invest in yourself. Many of them paid their own way, which felt even riskier.
What I witnessed felt like magic - they walked in as strangers and they left as friends. Now they have an unforgettable support network of women who get it, so the next time there's a WTF moment at work, they can message each other and ask, "Have you experienced this before? How would you handle it?"
So what turned a room of strangers into friends in less than three days?
The workshop session on finding clarity for what's next, advancing as a multidimensional leader and strategic energy management helped. The chocolate tasting and breathwork definitely didn't hurt. But the magic was the hot seats.
Each woman got 20 minutes dedicated to HER, where the entire group focused on her specific challenge. I watched one woman share what she was stuck on, and around the room, heads started nodding. Then came the "me, too!!!" moments.
Women who'd met only the night before realized they were carrying the same doubts, the same overwhelm, the same questions about how to handle vulnerable and sticky work situations. As we solved one woman's problem, everyone else walked away with tips.
What made these hot seats so effective is that I asked the group to do something that doesn't come naturally to high achievers….don't be a hero with all the advice.
When someone we care about is struggling, most of us want to rush in and fix it. And when we're the one who's stuck, it's easy to tell the story as if it's all happening TO us. While these feel normal and helpful in the moment, we are actually keeping ourselves and others stuck.
So instead of rushing to rescue, the group got curious first. They asked questions. Instead of rushing to give advice or validate a perspective, they gently and courageously challenged one another to think bigger or differently about the problem or opportunity.
That's what being with the right group of women does, we hold space and compassion for you while also helping you see above the chaos to find a clear path forward.
Before we closed, every woman named her bravest next step and her biggest aha.
One realized she can set more boundaries with her leader and her peers and realized an immediate win by saying no when she would normally say yes.
Another is taking courageous steps to be more visible and network in her org and getting comfortable with the discomfort of living in the uncertainty.
One is sharing her book idea, naming her identity shift, and trusting it will work out.
And more than one landed on the aha of asking for help — even though it feels vulnerable… it works :)
None of these steps are flashy. Your tiny, brave, even seemingly unimpressive first step is just one of many. What inspires me most is that the collective genius of the group won't end because the retreat did. My own aha was how many more events like this women need (I need them, too!) GET ON MY 2027 RETREAT WAITLIST.
🔥 Who do you message when you're having a WTF moment at work…does that person stay curious with you and help you shift your mindset? And if no one comes to mind, what would it take to build that support network for yourself?
PUT THIS IDEA INTO ACTION
While you're anxiously waiting until I host another retreat, get the benefit of “hot seat magic” at home. Here are a few tips to consider the next time you reach out to someone to resolve a problem or opportunity:
1: Take inventory of who you message.
Write down the two or three people you reach out to when you're having a WTF moment at work.
Do they stay curious with you, or do they rush in to fix it? Do they validate every perspective, or do they gently and courageously challenge you to think bigger or differently?
Both kinds of support have their place. But only one helps you see above the chaos to find a clear path forward.
2: Be the one who gets curious first.
When someone brings you a problem, notice the urge to be a hero with all the advice.
Ask a question first like, "What have you already tried?" or "What would you do if you trusted yourself?" Then offer your idea.
You'll hold space for them while helping them find her own answer — and you'll lead more by doing less.
3: Notice when the story is happening TO you.
When you're the one stuck, listen to how you're telling the story. If it sounds like everything is happening to you, pause and ask:
What part of this can I control? What's one thing within my influence I can do next?
Your tiny, brave, even seemingly unimpressive first step counts.
4: Build your own hot seat.
If no one came to mind in step one, start here. Name two or three women who are neutral yet supportive, people who will tell you the truth. You get to curate your own co-workers.
When you bring them a challenge, try to tell it in 90 seconds: the context, the crux of the issue, and your ask for help.
And if you can, get together in person. Grab coffee, or better yet, take a walk, because the best conversations (and problems solved!) happen when you get out of the building and breathe some fresh air.
TRY THIS NEXT:
Pick one challenge you're stuck on right now. Send it to one trusted woman or friend in your network with the question, "Have you experienced this before? How would you handle it?" Afterward, notice one thing — did she help you think bigger or differently, or did she just agree with you? Either way, you just took your first step toward building the support network you deserve.
Kelli Thompson is an award-winning author, keynote speaker, and executive coach who specializes in helping women advance to the rooms where decisions are made (or build her own room). She is the author of the critically acclaimed book, Closing The Confidence Gap: Boost Your Peace, Your Potential & Your Paycheck
Learn more about: Executive Coaching | Speaking & Training | Group Programs
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