How to get out of your own way as a leader

Confession: I have a really bad habit of over-researching and over-learning something to death, especially when I'm feeling nervous about putting something new out into the world. This feels relevant to me right now with a new event I'm launching this fall (more to come). All of this researching and learning about a thing feels like I'm taking action, but I'm not. I'm just procrasti-learning. Attempting to fully understand something before I act on it or speak about it is a tactic that I use to feel safe and prepared to engage with the outside world. I mean, imagine the horror if someone asked me a question and I didn't know the answer? (At least, that's a horror movie in my mind.)

This motivation to procrastinate on sharing something until I fully understand it, and to guard my time and energy to make sure I'm prepped and prepared with information, wasn't something I was fully aware of as a corporate leader. Looking back now, I can see how it held me back from voicing my ideas in meetings (didn't know enough yet) or held back from applying for more senior roles (wasn't qualified enough yet). 

Learning that I was an Enneagram 5 and that my core motivation was to conserve my energy so I can prepare and understand things was CRITICAL to my success as an entrepreneur. It helped me realize all the made-up stories my brain concocted that held me back in an effort “to be safe.” In learning this, I intentionally:

1. Launch ideas before they feel “ready," remembering that the world can help me experiment and co-create the final outcome

2. Write a book before I felt qualified to do so, remembering that the act of writing a book IS the qualification

3. Pitch myself to opportunities that feel intimidating before I feel experienced enough, remembering that my experience to date is worth sharing

Ultimately, learning what motivated me and the fears that held me back helped me get out of my head and into the world to work towards fulfilling my potential. Also, knowing that I am a 5 and my husband is a 1 has been the best free marriage therapy a couple could ask for. It helps us laugh at ourselves and take things less personally.

This is exactly why I have my clients take the Enneagram as part of coaching engagements. It contributes to the second element of clear and confident leadership, becoming motivationally aware. Being motivationally aware means that you understand WHY you think, feel and act the way you do. This is critical for leaders to understand so they can clearly see why they react to certain triggers, why certain people or situations are challenging for them, why they repeat old patters and ultimately what kills their confidence and holds them back from becoming the leader they are meant to be.

So what is the Enneagram and why should you care about it for leadership effectiveness?

• It’s a transformational personality assessment and powerful leadership development tool

• It gives you a jumpstart into uncovering what motivates you and what (often unconscious) fears hold you back.

• It gives you insight into how others may experience you.

• It shows us how we can all be leaders when we show up as our best selves and manage our blind spots.

• It helps us bust stereotypes and judgments we have about our colleagues, build empathy and work with others more effectively because we better understand ourselves.

🔥 Ultimately, the Enneagram is a transformational tool to boost your effectiveness and emotional intelligence. It helps us remember that in the nine styles of leadership, some of the personality traits we want to hide are actually our best gifts. 

Keep reading for real ways all nine types of my clients have boosted their confidence and leadership skills by becoming more motivationally aware.

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When you understand WHY you do what you do, you can start to bust the old habits and patterns that hold you back. As a leader, you become more self aware. You cannot coach others up to a higher level than you are willing to coach up yourself. Remember, you are a leader in ANY place you influence others. 

Here are real ways the Enneagram - understanding your core motivations - has helped my clients be more clear and confident leaders. Do you see yourself in any of these?

(A link to find your type is at the bottom).

Enneagram 1 Leaders: Motivated by the need to be good, right or perfect. Recognizing this motivation helped these leaders stop overworking to the point of exhaustion in an effort to attain perfection (doesn't exist). It helped them be more compassionate towards themselves and build stronger relationships with their colleagues by becoming aware of their tendency to be overly critical and encouraging them to be more curious of others' approaches.

Enneagram 2 Leaders: Motivated by the need to appreciated for the help they offer, loved and included. Recognizing this motivation helped these leaders stop over-helping to the point of resentment (especially when help wasn't asked for). It helped them set stronger boundaries at work, which reduced overworking, by defining what was theirs - and NOT theirs - to own. It helped them boost their confidence by disconnecting their self-worth from the opinions of others.

Enneagram 3 Leaders: Motivated by the need to appear successful and avoid failure. Recognizing this motivation helped these leaders stop deferring to actions, ideas or strategies they thought would impress senior leaders but ultimately led them away from their authentic self. It helped them say what they truly think and felt at work while accepting that trial and error comes with the career journey. (Read: Not everything smoothly increases “up and to the right” all of the time and that isn't a reflection on your skills, success or identity.)

Enneagram 4 Leaders: Motivated by the need to authentic and original in identity. Recognizing this motivation helped these sensitive leaders realize that corporate America was not built for their desires to create authentic, expressive places that honored their sensitivity. This was a freeing realization that they didn't need to fit into the mold and they could find and own unique and authentic ways to express themselves at work or through their creative pursuits on the side. They learned to take better care of themselves by protecting their sensitivity and emotions at work.

Enneagram 5 Leaders: Motivated by the need to conserve their energy and understand the world before acting. Recognizing this motivation helped these leaders get out of their head and into action. They learned to share ideas or promote projects before they felt fully researched or qualified - recognizing that the world can help them shape ideas better than those ideas just being in your head. They also learned the need to be more proactive with developing relationships at work - reaching out to people vs just assuming people will come to them.

Enneagram 6 Leaders: Motivated by the need to feel prepared, avoid risk and have security & support. Recognizing this motivation helped these leaders stop overrotating on loyalty. What I mean by this is that these leaders were often loyal to a fault - staying in bad situations that were no longer healthy. Understanding this also helped them move beyond the constant imagination of worse case scenarios, recognizing that they could trust their instincts over others' advice and that when they take action, things often go better than they'd planned.

Enneagram 7 Leaders: Motivated by the need to avoid boredom or restriction, to entertain all of life's possibilities. Recognizing this motivation helped these leaders stop jumping from idea to idea, which exhausted their team and never led to full implementation. These leaders started to delegate to team members that would keep them on track and encourage them to see projects through so they could realize that the joy of completion is just as fulfilling as the excitement you get from new ideas.

Enneagram 8 Leaders: Motivated by the need to avoid vulnerability and remain in control of their life/work. Recognizing this motivation helped these leaders stop overfunctioning while allowing others around them to underfunction. These leaders have more capacity for work and speed than others and their speed and directness can overwhelm their team if they aren't aware. They also learned, counterintuitively, that by slowing down (gasp!), being more open-hearted and by including others in the process, they can speed up buy in and build unstoppable teams.  

Enneagram 9 Leaders: Motivated by the need to avoid conflict and remain in harmony with themselves and others. Recognizing this motivation helped these leaders show up and put their voice and ideas into the world instead of defaulting to others' agendas. They learned to find and claim their true desires and recognize that asserting these wants can build connection, not deter it. Finally, they recognized that avoiding conflict can actually create MORE conflict (which they seek to avoid) and that true connection, collaboration and harmony can exist when they summon the courage to act on what matters to them.

Do any of these resonate with you? Try this next…take the official Enneagram assessment! (Yes, it costs money and you can find free tests online but they are NOT accurate. The Integrative 9 test is the only one that has a 95% accuracy rating.) 

Take the Integrative9 assessment HERE

Read my favorite book on the 9 Leadership Styles HERE

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Kelli Thompson is an award-winning author, keynote speaker, and executive coach who specializes in helping high achievers advance to influential leaders in their organizations. She is the author of the critically acclaimed book, Closing The Confidence Gap: Boost Your Peace, Your Potential & Your Paycheck.

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