The decision you keep asking everyone about...

"I don't trust my gut, because I don't know if I've ever actually listened to it. Many times, I'll seek 5 to 6 opinions before I even decide."

That was one of my clients last week, admitting out loud something a lot of high achievers feel but rarely admit until they hit a point of overwhelming uncertainty or burnout. In the midst of making hard decisions, they also want to please others and avoid a decision that could cause stress or controversy, so they go hunting for five or six other people to tell them what the best options are.

When I asked her why she does it, she said, "Not only am I a bit skeptical but I want to make sure it's the 'right' decision." 

So I asked her, "Why do you believe that other people are correct and it's the right thing? HOW do you know if it's right or it just seems right?"

I coach a lot of women who have gotten very good at outsourcing their knowing. Something's in the water. I ran the same body wisdom exercise with two different clients on back-to-back days, and I realized I'd pulled it out three times in two weeks after not touching it for probably a year.

I think it's the noise. We are in a time right now where there's endless opinions, advice, fake advice and fake AI. Plus, it's easy to outsource your "knowing" to AI if you aren't careful. I know I went through a time where I defaulted to a few ideas that Claude gave me without checking in to ensure they were right for me.

Have you ever felt something in your gut that you just couldn't put into words? Maybe you found yourself trying to describe how you felt about something or someone, but you couldn't find the words for what you were feeling in your body about it. There's just this knowing without being able to explain why or how.

There's science for this. 

• Cognitive psychologists found that your verbal brain processes information at about forty bits per second, which sounds rapidly awesome.

• Neuroscientists say we actually have three brains. The one in our head, which we tend to overuse in Western society and corporate culture, and two more, in the heart and in the gut.

• The heart and gut make up the cluster of nerves that forms our gut brain, our intuition - they gather information at eleven million bits per second.

So it's your body (11 million!) that's getting more signals than your brain (40) can process, not vice versa like you might be inclined to think. It explains why you get gut feelings on things you just can't put into words. 

It's why you can look at all the data, the spreadsheet, the PowerPoint full of facts, consider it, and go with the leadership decision that feels right in your gut, and it turns out to be successful for you. 

Your body knows the difference between dread and freedom, between chaos and peace. It signals your heck yes and hell no. It is the foundation of true confidence in yourself because I define confidence as the ability to trust yourself AND act on that self-trust.

🔥 But here's the challenge. Most of us are so distracted (my client admitted this) that we don't slow down and get quiet enough to actually listen to what our bodies are telling us. 

I think it's time for this to change if you want to be an effective leader capable of making hard decisions for your life and career. When's the last time you intentionally got quiet or still so you could check in with yourself on a decision? (Keep reading for how.)

PUT THIS IDEA INTO ACTION

The problem with waiting for certainty, or for AI, or for five trusted sources, to hand you the answer is that the noise never stops long enough for you to hear yourself. Here's how to start tuning back in:

1: Notice when you're outsourcing.

The next time you catch yourself gathering opinions, pause and ask:

• Am I genuinely missing information, or am I seeking validation?

• Why do I believe they're right and I'm wrong?

• What if they lead me down the wrong path?

Sometimes the research is wise. Sometimes it's just a place to hide from your own answer.

2: Read your body like data.

When a decision is in front of you, notice what happens in your body. 

• Does it feel open, light, and airy? Where do you feel this exactly?

• Or heavy, constrictive, and tight? Where do you feel this exactly?

One of my clients felt her "heck no" instantly in the heaviness in her legs and hips. Another feels burning in their sternum. Another feels the “heck yes” as her shoulders dropping and “floating.” Your body is always giving you signals if you are willing to listen.

3: Name the feeling so you can find it again.

When you feel that magnetic, light pull toward yes, or that heavy pit toward no, give it a name. This is not woo. It's how you build a reference library of your own intuition so you recognize it faster next time. 

TRY THIS NEXT: Think of one decision you're currently sitting on, the one you keep gathering opinions about. Close your devices and put your feet on the floor. 

Ask yourself: what does my body already know that my brain doesn't want to hear? And then ask the braver question: what would I do next if I trusted that I already knew?

You might not like to hear this, but I tell the truth :)  Your intuition can be very inconvenient. It will tell you things your brain doesn't want to hear. But in a world this noisy, learning to trust yourself isn't a nice to have, it will be your competitive advantage.

Kelli Thompson is an award-winning author, keynote speaker, and executive coach who specializes in helping women advance to the rooms where decisions are made (or build her own room). She is the author of the critically acclaimed book, Closing The Confidence Gap: Boost Your Peace, Your Potential & Your Paycheck

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