How to grow when your leader won’t give you feedback

As most of my clients rise through the ranks, one of the challenges they don't anticipate is the lack of timely feedback. When they were young in their career, or as individual contributors, there was more frequent guidance and coaching on how to do things. As high achievers, they were often commended for their speed, competence or creativity. 

This can be a shift when they reach higher levels of leadership. I often hear this on my coaching calls, “I have no idea if this is what they want me to do. I barely get any feedback.” They encounter frustration when they don't get the same type of coaching or assuredness from their leader that they are on the right track like they did when they were earlier in their career. 

Research by Harvard's Amy Edmonson confirmed that the higher you rise in an organization the less feedback you tend to receive. This is because as your level of influence increases, transparency can decrease. Authority Bias takes over, which as I talked about in my TEDx talk, people can be too intimated to share feedback with you if goes against the flow of work or ideas. In addition, there are fewer people above you in the org chart available to give you guidance or feedback, with C-Suite executives expecting it to be self sourced. 

While my clients are often seeking growth and reassurance that they are on the right track, another challenge they need to mitigate is disconnecting from their team's feedback loop. With fewer people willing to give you candid feedback due to power dynamics, leaders need to switch their approach.

Receiving clear performance feedback on the behaviors and expectations needed to grow in an organization is especially important for women leaders who tend to receive more personality-based, unclear feedback than men. 

So how do get the feedback you need to grow? Keep reading below to consider:

1. How you ask

2. Who you ask

3. What you ask

🔥 Hint: Stop asking for feedback and start asking for advice. People don't love giving feedback but everyone loves giving advice.

---

PUT THIS TIP INTO ACTION

As a leader, here's how to get better feedback not just from your leader, but from all of your colleagues so you can grow into your full leadership potential:

1. Ask for “advice” regularly from your team. People sometimes hesitate to give feedback but most people love giving advice. A phrase I often use is this, “I'd love some advice on what I can try next time to make this presentation more effective.”

2. Get regular feedback from 3-5 other colleagues or stakeholders besides your leader. It helps you take ownership of your own development and growth through seeking a variety of perspectives. Your leader is just one person who sees your performance. As you rise in the organization, your relationships with your colleagues to get work done can be just as important as the relationship with your leader.

Ask: What did I do well? What could I have done better? What other advice do you have? 

3. Be clear about your goals and feedback - success loves clarity so stay away from general asks. Instead of "I want to improve my presentation skills" try "I want to improve my presentation flow for clarity and brevity." 

Try a script like this:

I am looking to continue to grow my career and position myself for a senior leadership role in ___________. One of the behaviors I'd like to develop to prepare myself for this _______ role is my ability to ___(pause first in meetings and let others contribute)______. Can I check in with you to get feedback and advice on my progress on this behavior?

4. Observe who you surround yourself with. When was the last time someone in your inner circle lent you the harsh truth or challenged your ideas directly?

TRY THIS NEXT: Choose one specific behavior you want to get feedback on this week. Who can you ask to give this to you?

---

Kelli Thompson is an award-winning author, keynote speaker, and executive coach who specializes in helping high achievers advance to influential leaders in their organizations. She is the author of the critically acclaimed book, Closing The Confidence Gap: Boost Your Peace, Your Potential & Your Paycheck.

Learn more about: Executive Coaching | Speaking & Training | Group Programs