The trashy story keeping you stuck in a job that's draining you

One of my clients had been toggling back and forth on whether to take a new job opportunity. This is a big decision given that she has been at her current company for over 20 years. Get this - the opportunity was LESS work, LESS people to manage, LESS oversight and MORE money and advancement opportunities!   

So why was she frozen and second-guessing herself?

"If I leave and go to this new company, they're going to find out that I'm not as good they think I am."

Whoop. There it is. The real, trashy story that was running the show. 

As we unpacked what her inner critic was saying, she realized it was coming from a place of fear that leaving the safety of a place where she'd built relationships and credibility for 20 years would expose the fact that maybe she had somehow been lucky all those years. Or, that people propping her up were the reason for her success, and without them, she'd be found out.

I asked her (like I do myself and all my clients), Is that thought true?

She paused. And then she told me that just the day before, she had trained a new team member on some project details and talked for an hour straight without any notes. She surprised even herself. She had evidence everywhere that she knew her stuff. 

This is something I see over and over again with women considering a career move. The fear of being "found out" in a new environment keeps them tethered to situations that are no longer working. They stay in roles that drain them because at least the drain is familiar. (It's the hell they know…)

I went through this exact same thing. I had been at a company for 12 years when I decided to leave and I will never forget my first day at my new job. I was literally shaking because in my head, I had convinced myself that I'd just been lucky for 12 years. My inner critic told me that my relationships had carried me and that I was about to be exposed as someone who had fooled everyone.

This fear is normal. I coach clients at every level, including the C-suite, who have this same thought when they make a move. "They're going to find out I fooled them the whole time."

Once my client started to see that fear for what it was, we were able to ask better career alignment check questions: 

1. Does my body respond with energy when I imagine doing this work?

2. Is this next move going to bring me closer to my career purpose and goals?

3. Will I be able to use 80% of my best skills and talents?

4. Do my values align with this new organization/team and how they make decisions and accomplish work?

5. Do I align with the company's mission and who they serve?

(all of her answers were a yes)

By the end of our conversation, she said she felt more at peace with the fact that if the offer came, saying yes was probably the right thing to do and that it was normal to feel 

🔥 Have you ever talked yourself out of a career opportunity because you were afraid of being “found out?” Have you ever stayed somewhere longer than you should have because the discomfort was familiar? Keep reading for how to work through this.

---

PUT THIS IDEA INTO ACTION

If you're weighing a career decision right now and the fear of not knowing enough or being “found out” is keeping you stuck, here are some things to try:

1: Ask yourself the five career alignment questions my client and I worked through together. 

• Does my body respond with energy when I imagine doing this work?

• Is this next move going to bring me closer to my career purpose and goals?

• Will I be able to use 80% of my best skills and talents?

• Do my values align with this new organization and how they make decisions and accomplish work?

• Do I align with the company's mission and who they serve?

If you're getting a lot of yeses and your energy surges when you think about the work, but you're still frozen, that's a sign that an unhelpful (and likely not even true) story is making the decision for you.

2: Name the trashy story your inner critic is telling you. 

My client's was "they're going to find out I'm not as good as they think I am." What's yours? Write it down and then ask yourself: 

• Is that thought/story true?

• Can I absolutely know that's true?

• What would I do right now if that thought had never even occurred to me?

Find evidence for the opposite version of your story. (i.e. “I am as good as they think I am.” My client remembered lots of evidence and work projects that demonstrated her competence.)  

3: Separate the fear of the unknown from the fear of not being enough. 

These are two different things, and they like to show up together. Being nervous about a new environment, new people, a new pace is normal and expected. But if the story underneath is "I've been lucky and they're going to find me out," that's your inner critic hijacking a perfectly reasonable decision. Notice which fear is actually talking… is this fearful story helpful and true?

4: Remember that you don't have to be 100% certain (maybe just 51% 😉 ). My client said she felt at peace with the fact that saying yes was probably the right thing to do. She didn't need to feel 100% sure because she just needed to trust herself enough to take the bravest next step.

TRY THIS NEXT: Write down the trashy story your inner critic is telling you about your next career move. Then underneath it, write down three pieces of evidence that prove the opposite of this is true. You might surprise yourself with how capable you are.

Kelli Thompson is an award-winning author, keynote speaker, and executive coach who specializes in helping high achievers advance to influential leaders in their organizations. She is the author of the critically acclaimed book, Closing The Confidence Gap: Boost Your Peace, Your Potential & Your Paycheck.

Learn more about: Executive Coaching | Speaking & Training | Group Programs