Why your "flaws" Are your best leadership trait

I haven't shared this story in a couple of years, but it's a fan favorite from my book. I still think of it often because every year I make time to join my family for some work to be done at my great-grandma's farm in Southwestern Nebraska. On our most recent visit, our project was do some random outdoor projects. However, it was pouring rain so we got mostly got stuck in the mile-long muddy driveway instead. However, every time we visit I see this bus and am reminded of why her story resonates with me and why it did for so many who read my book.

In the 1960's my great grandma, Elizabeth, bought this bus so she could pick up and house a seasonal harvest crew for our ranch in Southwest Nebraska.  

While this might seem like “so what?!” these days, remember that in the 1960s, many women were homemakers. She ran this farm before women could get a bank loan without their spouse to co-sign. She had to buy this bus WITH CASH because she was a widow. (Women couldn't borrow money in their own name until 1974). In fact, she ran her farm on cash because she had no male relative to co-sign her loan needs for land or equipment purchases.

Because of this, she frequently negotiated with farm suppliers down to the penny to keep her cash flow healthy. When workers saw her walk into their store, they immediately grabbed the manager. At 4' 11" she was short in stature but her presence was large. She would ask for the price she wanted and would stand there silently until she got her answer.

With her direct and assertive style, I have no doubt that people called her shrewd, bossy, a b*tch. But, BECAUSE she was direct and assertive, she created a legacy for her family and her farm fed hungry families. She reminds me how important it is to own what's unique about your approach and use it to make a difference. Her “flaws” were truly her greatest gifts to so many.

In my own life and work, I've always been called too direct, blunt or unemotional. Because some colleagues saw my directness as a personality flaw, my self-consciousness that developed around it meant that it took me years to own it as one of my gifts and not an excuse to stay small and silent. 

In my later corporate leadership years as I developed more comfort with my style, I used my “tell it like it is” approach as an HR director to communicate the good, bad, and ugly to the CEO when it came to leading change, managing acquisitions, and being honest with him about what decisions would not sit well with employees. My ability to remain unemotional during times of massive organizational transitions allowed me to counsel and encourage others through their anger, resistance, and tears while also being completely transparent with people about what changes would occur with their pay, title, and benefits, even if they didn’t like it. 

Now as a coach, I have women come to me often who are exhausted trying to hide a character trait of theirs that could make so much impact. 

• They tamper down their assertiveness.

• They hide their sensitivity.

• They mask their directness or creative thinking.

However, what if your personality "flaw" is your greatest gift? How could it be exactly what your team or organization needs to make a positive impact?

Situational Savvy is what I call blending your “flaw” with your values so you can stop hiding and self-censoring (how exhausitng!). This is the fourth core element of clear and confident leadership. Situational Savvy means that you can own (not self-censor) your unique approach and personality, however, you can flex your approach situationally. You know when AND where to use an authentic yet values-driven approach to get the results you want. Scroll down for my tool for how to do this!)

🔥 Stop conforming and start confidently choosing yourself—when you spend your energy trying to show up like someone else, you lose the power that makes you - you.

PUT THIS TIP INTO ACTION

Are you part of a leadership development program that helps you cultivate your unique gifts, or are you spending your energy working to be more like your CEO, boss, or admired colleague? What would serve you best in the long run for your health, happiness, and success? 

REFRAME YOUR “FLAWS” AS YOUR BEST LEADERSHIP GIFTS

First, what if all the qualities you’ve been scared to demonstrate are exactly what you need to be successful?

Try this reframe. Because I am (insert “flaw”)_ , I am able to_________.

▫️ Because I am sensitive, I can read the needs of our team.

▫️ Because I am assertive, I tackle hard challenges most people shy away from.

▫️ Because I am direct, I am clear in communicating needs.

DEVELOP SITUATIONAL SAVVY

Second, a key learning for me in my work with my own coach taught me that yes, directness is a gift and all my development to be more “palatable” or nice (instead of being too direct) has its place, too. All that hard interpersonal work isn't lost. Everything belongs.

I've been using this new tool myself and with my clients. Instead of believing that our approach is “black or white," it's more important to develop situational savvy.

Situational savvy doesn't mean you abandon the unique quirks that make you - you. It means that you are confident and flexible in your skills, approach and tone that you use all of your emotional intelligence to drive positive outcomes and build relationships.

Do This Next: Make Your Own Situational Savvy Matrix

Try plotting your “flaw” on the left side the graph below (see my own example!).

• What unique situations call for it?

Next, try plotting the trait you've been working on to mitigate that “flaw.”

What situations call for it?

• How can the two be blended?

• How can you show up and offer your unique style to make a positive impact in a specific situation?

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Kelli Thompson is an award-winning author, keynote speaker, and executive coach who specializes in helping high achievers advance to influential leaders in their organizations. She is the author of the critically acclaimed book, Closing The Confidence Gap: Boost Your Peace, Your Potential & Your Paycheck.

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